I’ve had depression and anxiety for nearly a decade. I’ve been getting treatment for it for eight years. It has had. . . let’s say an interesting effect on my writing. While there are days that lethargy, brain fog, and disinterest have prevented me from writing (or doing anything), I have incorporated those emotions into my stories.
As someone who silently battled with my mind for years before seeking treatment and was too scared of what people would think of me if they knew, I feel obligated to portray mental illness in my books. Reading about characters who suffer from similar mental disorders helps me feel understood and not alone. And that’s me as an adult. As a teen, I would have loved to read more books that contained honest depictions of depression and anxiety that the characters learn to cope with. If I had read stories with unflinching portrayals of mental illness, I believe it would have given me the strength to seek treatment sooner. As it was, the stigma surrounding mental health deterred me from speaking up.
I don’t want that for other teens. I want to write books that help them see that being mentally unwell is not something to be ashamed of. By creating characters who suffer similar mental disorders but still prevail, I want to give my readers hope. I want them to know that their mental illness(es) is something they can overcome. It doesn’t rule their life, though it can feel like that sometimes. I want to show them that strong characters can be vulnerable, too, and that doesn’t make them lesser.
While there are books out there with depictions of mental illness (and I’ve read many of them), I don’t see it in the fantasy genre. For teens and adults who read to escape, they may not read contemporary books that more often portray mental health challenges. They may exclusively read fantasy since it offers a complete escape from reality. If we want to reach those people with the message that they are not alone and mental disorders can be managed, we writers need to start including that in the fantasy books we write.
But to write mental illness realistically, that unfortunately often means we have experience with it ourselves, be that us personally or a loved one. Of course, that is not always the case, but it is for me. Which creates the issue of sometimes being too depressed to write. Or my intrusive thoughts being too loud and persistent to focus on writing. There have been multiple times when I’ve sat down to write, have had my laptop and WIP document open, but couldn’t get more than a few sentences written over the course of an hour and a half because my brain was too busy reminding me of painful memories or anxious thoughts. It sucks.
But I can’t let that discourage me. If I did, I could easily slip into a depressive episode where I can barely force myself to brush my teeth, let alone write. That’s why my daily writing goal is simply to add words to my work-in-progress. I don’t have a minimum word count or required amount of writing time. Even writing one sentence counts. Yes, this has made it take longer to write the book, but it’s steady progress. I’d much rather consistently write a little than risk falling into a deep, dark depression. It’s worked so far, so I’m not questioning it. I just hope my brain will continue to work with me, especially because I am very close to finishing the first draft of my YA fantasy WIP.
Are you a writer battling mental health challenges? How have you learned to cope?
Allison Burton 